I'd wear matching sweaters with you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
