Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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