Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
