i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
