so that wasnt chicken after all
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
