I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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