Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
