jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
