I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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