oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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