Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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