Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You are the jesus of drinking
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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