I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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