why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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