Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
