so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
