Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
