She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
