I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cockslap morals
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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