if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
