Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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