cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
