After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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