Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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