you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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