every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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