it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
