The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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