I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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