my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
