oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
