No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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