In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
