Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
