Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
