I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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