Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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