Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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