At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
