Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
did you just send me my own nude
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
