Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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