I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Screwed.edu
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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