Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
