i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize