it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
