And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
