Christians are straight up FREAKS
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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