My cat gives me a boner
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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