New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
