she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
