Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
