mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
