I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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