so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
