hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
