My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
