Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
