You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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