I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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