just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
