enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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