So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
