Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
