I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
