My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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