I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
