I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
