sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
