Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
